Blame It On My A.D.D. Baby~

First I'd decided to watch Paranormal Witness while eating dinner. Then I decided I wanted to crochet something. Browsed though a crapload of snowflakes (it is November) found a blanket.
Crochet kinda works in levels, known as rounds.
Start blanket, figure out the pattern for level one, work level one while watching episode.
Pause episode, figure out pattern for level two, continue while crochet, etc.
Level 5, pause episode, wtf? How do I do this round (level)?
Check youtube. Holy crap someone posted a tutorial! Watch said vid. Partially work with vid. Hmm, finish later.
I wonder what other vids he's posted. Check channel.
Is that all his yarn? Click vid. glimpse other vids on side bar. You can knit with your arm? I must watch this!
Realize this is a perfect example of having A.D.D. and type up stuff, current vid paused.
There are now two paused vids and we realize that we've had to pee for the past 30 min.
Oh look, someone arm knits a blanket and we still have to pee.
Kitten, please don't steal my socks.
Holy crap that is one huge knitting needle!
finally use the bathroom
I'm hungry, I should eat something
more youtube
mmm peanuts
hmm, I wonder if she's tried the soda stream again. Nope, but ooh, she got a kitty! Click.
Soda stream again. I wonder if the flavor would taste better if she didn't overload it with the carbon stuff. I should pick up a flavor bottle to go with my seltzer water.
Oh hey, my cat found that bright colored hair extension/clip from Hot Topic that What's-her-face left here years ago. I should wear it to work tomorrow and see if anyone notices.
I should actually get changed into my pjs.
ooh, haven't seen this vid yet
turkey cookies
oh, right, Paranormal Witness
Facebook and more internet
pjs
bed around 4:30 or so

ALSO: Watched the hospital episode of PW. First time ever watching that show or any other paranormal show that I actually got chills

ALSO 2: The black mist from Supernatural is real!

I'm sleepy. Fell asleep around 5:30 in the morning. Got woken up around 10 or so.
We're also housing our neighbor's dog for the week while she and her son are gone. I have two cats. Both parties were growling. I had to walk one cat down to my room, stubborn old man.
Now they are sleeping
I should probably take a nap before work.
My stomach is kinda crampy. Too many peanuts last night or do I need to eat?
TMI and I don't care!
It's also freezing!
!!!!
!! kinda looks like a bunny...

"You know when you look back at your childhood and ask yourself  'how sure am I that I wasn't retarded?  I'm pretty sure, right?  Holy shit, was I retarded?'   That happened to me today and I'm pretty sure that the answer is 'yes.'" ~ Hyperbole and a Half
To read the entire entry, click here.

I would just like to say thank you to Allie. You have, more or less, summarized how I feel about my childhood.

 

WTZZzzzz...

I haven't been falling asleep until anywhere between 4 and 6 in the morning. Shitty sleep schedule and whatever.
My friend R lives in Alexandria, but commutes to the college by my house. When there are events late at the college, she'll spend the night so that she doesn't have to make a 40 min trip just to drive back in the morning.
There's a point to all this.
So last night we went to watch a movie for her German class "the lives of others" or something.
Now, R, being the 'normal' person she is, can fall asleep by 2, no prob.
I had to take 2mg of melatonin to fall asleep. I hadn't woken up until 2 that afternoon.
So I wake up around 9 to see her out and watch a few episodes of Criminal Minds, take an uncomfortable something hour nap.
I don't even know anymore.
Ran a bit late to work. A few annoying customers.
For some reason I was feeling really stressed. Almost had an anxiety attack. Almost broke down crying. Thank god Spider wasn't there. Feel like shit all day. Yay for going home on time!
Come home after 5 hour shift of stress and whatever. No food -_- really? There's a bloody grocery list and (my) money to pay for it! Why do we have no food? There are two fucking people at the house with no jobs and all the time!
Tired, don't feel like typing much more + ADD.
Didn't get dinner til 1/2 past midnight.
There were plenty of reasons to call it a bad day. Oddly enough I didn't consider it bad.
Who knows? Filler post? There was a point but I got caught up explaining my stupid sleep.
Now to finish that one CM episode.
Agent Studly!

And you think I'm crazy~

It's 3:30 in the morning and I feel sick from eating too much junk. Not like stomach ache sick but in the sense that I can feel the sugar coursing though my veins.
I'm tired but I'm afraid that if I try to sleep now it won't do any good. Last night I didn't sleep until 5:30 in the morning.
I know I should start by getting ready for bed. Wash off the minimal amount of makeup I'm wearing, change into my nightclothes, turn off the lights.
For some reason I...
and my thought process has trailed off. It just stops. I don't know how to explain it. I don't feel like trying to find it.

I had a mood-swing today. I'm tired of working midnight shifts, weather I'm working from 5 or from 6:15 or from 7:30. There is an almost unbearable loneliness. Or at least there suddenly was today. I was sad and lonely and wanting to go home and my brain glitched and I don't even know what to call what I did. I guess I got snarky. I'm tired of my brain not doing what it needs to do.
I didn't mean it. And sometimes I want to apologize, but I'm afraid that if I do, all I'll be told is "that's fine, but you should really work on your temper".
But I'm tired of that too. I'm tired of my family telling me that I've always had a temper, what else is new, you're acting like your aunt Karen, but there's nothing wrong with you.
I need help. I need tomorrow today just to get ahead (3 Doors Down) and I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does (Love Spit Love). And yes, sometimes I even get along with the voices inside of my head (Eminem Ft. Rihanna)
And I'm just adding lyrics now.
Whatever. I'm tired of this. I'm tired.

OMGwhat?

I heard a weird noise that may or may not have come from the next room.
My immediate reaction is to climb into bed and tuck my feet under something.
Because as long as my feet are covered while I'm sitting up, I'm safe.
O_o
Oh God I think it made another noise!

It might be standing next to me I seriously hope it can't read this....0_0

Please tell me it's just my cat

Brushing off the dust and making a bunny with it (what?)

Damn, haven't seen this thing in forever! Seriously, I totally forgot I had this thing.
So much to update for my non-existent fans!

I'm off my anti-depressants, and actually seem to be ok now that they are mostly out of my system. It's still taking a bit to adjust to having emotions again.
I have a job! Currently working at [name redacted] and it's pretty spiffy. I can wear jeans!!!!! You have no idea how happy this made me! Seriously, I look horrible in khaki. The shirt color is ugly, but the apron covers a fairly good chunk of it.
Started on Monday and have worked the past 4 days. I get tomorrow off and will be working 4 hours on Saturday. I didn't have to take it, but I figured, hey, more hours, more experience, and more money. I just wish I'd stop being so anxious over it. Training is so frustrating for me, but really, I've never had to really try to learn anything, so I think it's hitting me worse than most that I'm making mistakes. Stupid subtotal button stop turning invisible!
I think some of the older people working there have forgotten what it was like to have to learn this stuff, but the ones that remember have been really nice about it all.
I got some pet peeves with the customers (at least when I'm bagging anyway) but I'll save that for another post.
OMG who the fuck pays for groceries with checks now-a-days? The people here, that's who. And it's not exactly consistent enough for me to figure out how it works, either.
Gotta love working evenings/nights. It's not nearly as busy then (at least, after about 7:30 anyway).

Now to watch other people play video games! Current addiction: Fatal Frame series. Curse you Nintendo for keeping the forth game from us!

Change=do not want!

Meds changed. Do not like that. I finally figured out how to take my Adderall so that it no longer made me angry, and then there's this whole retarded national outage issue. I do not like Ritalin! As soon as it starts wearing off I start getting pissy and then emotional. Either I need my Adderall back, or I need to adjust to the new meds.

Even ITT guys don't figure it out right away

can't seem to figure out internet. pain in the ass. That means I wasted time at Starbucks. Didn't help that I kept dozing off.
If I had known this would be a problem, I would have just gone to Grounded Coffee and ridden my bike later.
So frustrating. And I can't go now. Between getting back to Rachel's, and getting the car to go to GC, I wouldn't have much time.

Well crap. Looks like I might actually have to talk to somebody.

That was what I was writing in notepad. Turns out I had the wifi thingy turned off so I didn't use up all my friend's limited internet connection. Duh.
It's ok though. The guy sitting next to me figured it out (though it took him a while too)
The important thing is that he's good looking. Yay eye-candy!

Lame

Why am I so amused at writing this at a cafe? I'm sitting here with my laptop, my coffee, and a smirk on my face.
Score one for me! I fought my anxiety and asked about the internet password! It helps that the guy behind the counter is cute and he asked about my ducttape wallet XD

Now I'm using this as a chance to check up on all the facebook/google+ stuff.

*sigh* this is like a bunch of twitter posts clumped into one post

finally bored with Sims Social on facebook. Still in the coffee shop.
Also wondering how much of this people are seeing. The kitchen is right behind me...more or less.

Alright, so I'm once again looking at the nanny/babysitting job. Ugh, headache. Sadly, it has to be done. I won't be able to get away with doing nothing and living at home for much longer. I think the only reason I haven't been kicked out yet is because my brother is doing much worse.

yeah, I wouldn't bother reading this crap either.

EDIT: Also, are so many people taking Adderall that there is now a national outage? How the carp does that happen?

Blah Blah Blah

As I suspected when I first created this blog, I haven't done anything with it. At least I can't be disappointed in my self more than usual.
What's new with me? Well, I got a nanny request, which is great except for the fact that this person wants me to watch her 7 year old. I'm pretty sure I wrote down that most of my experience is with kids under the age of 4. One of the things she wanted was for me to be able to set up play dates. How the fuck do you do that? And would I be watching both kids or would the other parent do that or do we work together or what? So many questions.
In the end, I seriously doubt I'm qualified. Either way, I should email her. Explain that I'm probably not the right person for the job. Maybe she's desperate. In that case, for the sake of both us and the child, I suggest a trial period.
It also looks like I might be starting school in the spring, if financial aid ever starts to make sense. That means I'd have to figure out scheduling. So do I sacrifice a potental job that I may not have in the end? Or do I risk loosing my chance at making myself better capable of the kind of job I really want?
Well, I should probably stick with the school idea. It's been a few days since I received an email from the lady, but I think I should reply anyway. Make up some excuse about computers or family issues (lord knows my family has a lot of issues)

Where am I going with this? I blame the 10mg of adderall I've taken today, the cup of coffee I had while working, and the Mountain Dew LiveWire I'm drinking.

I need a new bike. It's too short, the gears are all screwed up, and now the rear break squeals like I'm torturing a pterodactyl. I can use the front breaks, but I would rather not risk flipping over myself.

Holy shit my brother is too fucking nosy. When will he get that I don't feel like telling him what game I'm playing or what I'm writing? And he asks every time he comes in here. Dude, it's none of your fucking business!

Ugh. He just pisses me off a lot. 30 years old, still living with our parents, not even trying to get anywhere in life. Last time we suggested school, he made the excuse that he wasn't any good at it. When I told him you can't get better if you don't work on it, he whined and said "but I don't want to!" sounding just like a child. I get that it's not his fault, a combination of mild retardation/autisum, and poor parenting, but it's also not my fault for not knowing how to deal with it.

I need to work on the crochet stuff I plan on making people for x-mas. Too bad I'll be too distracted watching Daria.

You Are Here!

Yeah, great. Where is here exactly? Oh, now I remember. I decided to start this blog. This post is going to be like the first chapter of a novel. Very boring, but important alright, so the latter part is a lie.
Hi, I'm Jack and I'm an addict. Yes, I'm addicted to sarcasm. Just thought you should know.  I'm also a chick.
I'm sure you have plenty of questions. "why am I here?" "who are you" "why are you using a guy's name?" and probably others...maybe.
First, I'm hoping you don't actually know me in real life. I figure this will be my "no shame!" blog. Meaning I'm not holding back. Definitly not something I want friends for family seeing.
A lot of this is going to be disjointed. I'm going to do as little as possible when it comes to editing. Not just because I'm lazy, but to give you reader(s?) an idea of what my mind goes through with ADD. It takes more time and energy to reorginize these things which usually results in me deleting them.
Anyway! Now for the questions.

Q: why am I here?
A: what I want to know is why you're still reading this. There's a good chance you're either really bored or killing time or something. Or you have less of a life than I do *shrug* who knows. Let's just say the internet drugged you. Did someone put a roofie in your drink or something?


Q: Who are you?
A: I am Jack. I will use fake names because I don't want anyone to realize who I am. Not just because I'm afraid of what they would think, but because that could screw me up big time if I got a job involving children. 


Q: Why are you using a guy's name?
A: I'm not a guy and it's not short for Jackie or anything like that. My name may not even start with a J. It doesn't matter.


Any other questions? Leave a comment. It doesn't have to have anything to do with the blog. Even if you don't have a question, feel free to post.
Well, my attention span just died. Maybe I'll actually post again later.